Since when do you tell yourself that it is time to change the old habit of smoking your morning cigarette?
You know the one that hurts you though, but you can't get enough of it yet...
Or even the fact of always hanging out a little longer on social networks in bed until late at night.
Or the one that usually holds up: that of systematically complaining about anything out of your control:
All of these are habits that have been created, forged and consolidated throughout your life.
And even if it's not exactly those, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about and that you have ideas in mind where you're doing pretty much the same thing.
But why are we doing this in the end?
Why hurt yourself with that disgusting cigarette that makes you think you feel better afterwards?
Why get another piece of cheese at Mc'Do when you're not even hungry anymore and when the end of the month is sometimes financially complicated?
Why are there so many inconsistencies in our lives and so many bad choices that we would, deep down, desperately want to get rid of?
Today, right now, I'm going to give you four of my best habits that I've tested and that have had the most results in changing my behavior in the long run.
Personally, I managed to stop smoking, cannabis, cannabis, alcohol and compulsive shopping thanks to it.
(If, on the other hand, you are in trouble with alcohol, you can read our article”Alcohol and bipolarity, a dangerous cocktail“.)
But you're going to hate me...
Why?
I'll tell you a little bit later.
But don't worry, I can make amends...
Building a habit is simple → You do something, your brain registers the pleasure information, you start over and so on.
And after a while, you want to find this feeling of pleasure again or rather it's your brain that wants to find it again and PAF! , the habit was born.
“But Julien, the first cigarette is disgusting. There is no pleasure in smoking for the first time when you are fifteen...”
Ahhh, I've been waiting for that one!
The thing is that it was not the cigarette that your brain associated with pleasure, but the context in which you found yourself.
Besides, you may remember the first cigarette you smoked, where you were, with whom and how you felt afterwards...
Personally, I remember that it was painful to go through.
Very disgusting as they say.
But the fun was elsewhere.
The pleasure was in the context, in the experience, in who I experienced this with and what influence these people had on me.
Well, that's all very nice.
Shall we move on to practical advice now?
Come on, okay, I'll let you go of one.
I told you you were going to hate me...
Disappointed?
Still, it's the best way not to have to get rid of a bad habit: don't start.
In life, we are constantly asked to make choices.
And bad luck, the best choice is not to make one.
Let me explain myself.
Imagine, you are at home, you are hungry, you go to the fridge and now, BIM whouahhh, there is a choice: chocolate ice cream, caramel, the donut in the cupboard or... the banana...
Ba... the banana, of course!!!!!
No I'm kidding, donuts of course... (I bet you just imagined a good doughnut topped with chocolate and that it made you drool... ahh our brain...)
Now imagine...
Same situation, you are hungry, you go to the fridge and then there are only fruit yogurts and the rest is in the fruit basket: apple, banana, clementine: the loose one!!
Well well... go for a fruit. Sniff.
What actually happened?
You designed your environment.
If you want to go further on The importance of the family environment To describe your life when you are bipolar, click here!
Basically, you didn't buy easy fun, you anticipated it.
A little tip in fact, to avoid being tempted to the store, go at 1.30 pm, when you have eaten well and are no longer hungry. You will be less tempted to buy junk food and in addition you will save money. Double victory!
And it's the same for the telephone. Don't put it next to your bed anymore, but far, far away in another room.
Was that your alarm?
Buy one the old-fashioned way.
Design your life.
Simplified definition of friction: something that tends to make movement or action difficult.
So, basically, it increases the friction for the things you don't want to do in your life anymore and decreases the friction for the things you want to do or put in place more.
Example: I wanted to read at night instead of watching Netflix.
So to increase the friction when watching Netflix, I turn off the screens between 19:30 and 20:00. (Yes, yes, it may be a bit extreme, but it's my thing, everyone has their own thing...). And at the same time, I put books all over my house that I love. On the bedside table, on my living room table, and on the kitchen bar.
So, I just have to get whoever I want at the moment T and paff, I'm reading.
And yes, I am reading several books at the same time. At school, we had several subjects on the same day...
So, I increased the friction for Netflix and decreased the friction for reading.
So it makes it easier for me to do what I want to do.
But I admit that's not enough.
You must and I mean you MUST ABSOLUTELY have that what you want to put in place, ba.. you really like it and that you like it strong enough to replace what you want to fire, um, sorry... “remove”, because you like it.
Did you like civic education at school?
I think it was the most boring thing for me with physics-chemistry, math, French, well I'll stop there, what school...
And strangely enough, I had a bit of trouble getting a good grade point average in each of these subjects.
Why?
Because I was bored, I didn't like it.
Or rather, it was presented to me in a way that I didn't like... But that's another story. (I still ended up getting a license that today... is useless to me lol).
So, to summarize, you need things that you love and therefore replace what you no longer want with something that you really want.
I don't know what your dreams are, but let's say instead of smoke, save up for that thing you've always wanted to have, whatever it is.
Put a big carrot on yourself.
But you're going to hate me again...
It won't be enough.
It could even be counterproductive and make you frustrated in your life if you don't succeed...
That's why:
You don't climb Everest the first time.
NO!
Even if lBipolarity is a strength, before Everest, you will surely have already climbed other smaller mountains. (At the same time, all the others are smaller...)
To go upstairs in a house, you take the stairs.
It would never occur to you to go upstairs by jumping from the ground floor with both feet together.
Or maybe you're a kangaroo... who knows?
In life and for change, it's the same.
Basically, take your lens and cut it out.
For example, do you want to stop smoking?
Instead of smoking five cigarettes a day, ask yourself, “Well, if I had to smoke only three in a day, what would it be?” .
So, you smoke it yourself, but you get pleasure and satisfaction for having reached your goal.
And you go on like that over and over again.
And if, finally, with three cigarettes, you feel good, well cool: it's great! Just stay that way.
Or you continue:
“And if I only smoke two, but which ones do I really like, which ones would it be?
Ok at noon and in the evening, after lunch”
Then you ask yourself, “How long do I want to stay at three cigarettes and how long do I want to stay at two cigarettes a day?”
And bam!!!
You move forward like that quietly.
Rome wasn't built in 1 day, or 2, you know that well...
Then, if not, you have the boring method: stop overnight, patches, hypnosis, whatever you want.
And if it works for you like that, well that's great.
A little trick like that, by the way, combines the staircase method with the friction game, the result will only be exponential. (ahah I was still taking math classes..)
You have two choices now:
And here I took the example of cigarettes but it works for everything.
Absolutely everything!
At the same time, you increase the friction for smoking by taking, for example, only five cigarettes in your pack when you leave for work. And you reduce friction by taking a little hot chocolate, which you love so much, instead of one of the cigarettes.
And BIM!!
Two birds with one stone.
Etc, etc...
You got the idea.
Now it's up to you to adapt all this to your functioning.
Because yes, the concept will necessarily work for you in the idea. But it's up to you to find out in what form you can apply it for yourself.
You don't put a cube in a round hole, it doesn't work.
And if you want support in the process, you can always ask for help. For example, HopeStage offers peer support, as well as a personalized and comprehensive support with health professionals specializing in bipolarity. So, don't hesitate!
Well come on, it's bedtime for me. So I'll tell you next time.
Ciao!
